I CAN MOONWALK!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
