I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
