She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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