the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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