Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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