I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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