So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
worst night to have a conscience
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
