I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my being single is dangerous.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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