the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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