so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
