There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
