One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
