Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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