Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
