A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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