theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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