so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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