plz talk dirty to me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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