i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
