Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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