false alarm. still invincible.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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