I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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