So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize