i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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