I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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