the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
