At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
