I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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