Sponge bath it is.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
