why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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