after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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