It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's like heaven, but drunker
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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