drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
