If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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