The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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