yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
40s are totally the cure
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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