Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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