so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
