its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
