I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
