sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
