i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
