my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
