Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
