I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
