i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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