I'm going to rape someone's good day.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
