also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
