Welp...herpes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't trust your balls anymore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
