normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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