is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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