We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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