it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
