They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it glows. i had to have it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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