i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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