She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
