So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
