I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
