youre lurking in front of me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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