We won't sleep together?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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