I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
