i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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