Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
