i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
