I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
