Kiss
Puke
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
