his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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