I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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