were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
