Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
