When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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