Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
