I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
