i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
