Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
