How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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