dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
